Liability

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Doctor:  I saw how you tossed my file

across the desk, and all of the papers

spilled out onto the floor. Symbolic.

But you, you were annoyed, that you

had to pick up my pieces and jam them

back in the file, weren’t you? I know.

I heard your annoyed sigh as I walked

away, and you reminded me, again,

that I could find another doctor.

 

And all I was trying to do was make it

out the door without letting slip

the torrent of tears that began to build

back in your office, when you said,

“You make my job difficult.”  I lost

my words then, so you continued:

“And how I am supposed to work

around this eating disorder thing,

or whatever it is?”  My eyes were

on the floor, but I still saw your look

of disgust at my 100 pound body.

 

And did I even care how hard it was

on you that I didn’t want to take more pills,

but for God’s sake did I realize I have

a brain tumor, a divorce, no family here,

I am not sleeping or eating….and, you, doctor,

said five prescriptions are what I need.

When I said I just needed time and support,

you said I was difficult and uncooperative.

 

And I stopped speaking because,

what could I say?  And you called me

noncompliant, that I was tying your hands

behind your back in attempt to gain power,

and my mind whispered……no, i am trying

to survive.  But you didn’t hear, because

you were drawing up a document for me

to sign that said if I kill myself, you are not

legally liable.  I signed it.

 

so I could leave.  you never looked

at my face. or you might

have known

 

the damage

 

you

 

did

 

to

 

me

 

 

Weekly Writing Challenge: Mail It In

Dear Doctor,
I sat yesterday in your office,
the one on the top floor, at the corner.
You were talking in that calm voice;
did you notice I was watching the cars
running the light at the intersection below?
And I was tracing a line where sun drifted
through onto the table, and noticing
my shoe was almost untied. And then
your phone buzzed and she said that your next
patient was waiting, so I got up to grab my purse.
You stopped me at the door to ask if I was ok,
and I nodded, but the elevator door was already
opening so I didn’t catch your eye. But now I am
home, and I remember that I should have told you
some things. You see, I’ve been having double
vision again, and the right side of my face is numb.
Oh, and I fell down the stairs the other day. Twice.
And my hands shake now all the time, and I hear only
ringing in my right ear. I know I was supposed to tell
you all this yesterday, but I was looking at the cars,
and the sun, and my shoe. But I thought I’d write
you an email, anyway, so I don’t have to see
your face when you tell me what this means.
Remember when you said you couldn’t do
anything more for me if the tumor grew back?
I remember, Doctor, I remember. So, I thought
I’d enjoy the sunshine in your office yesterday,
and you can just print out this email for my records.
Sincerely,
me

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