where is he now
the gardener of souls?
his “good morning” silent,
cardinals wonder why
sun, looking for a reason
summer holding on,
flowers broken without his songs
the gardener of souls
where is he now?
(today I decided to walk out deep into the woods until I came up with answers to the questions I have been pondering. after walking more than 7 miles in the heat, I found myself lying face down in a grove of trees, with no recollection of what had happened. i took this photo then. i was injured, dizzy, and in no shape to walk the remaining 5 miles back to my car, but i realized that, not only did i have no phone reception, but i had no one to call to come help me. somehow i made it out. i was in the woods for almost 5 hours. after i got home, i found this poem on my phone. i wrote it today, but i have no recollection at all of writing it. i think that says a lot.)
eight miles out i fall
black out, wake up
stones edge tree lean
ask. no reception here
no one to call. leaks
from knees, red, and eyes,
clear drops of alone
air crush with know. no
breath. out of focus all.
lost. alone. maybe here
home after all.
still searching for home….
when will you be real? (who are you now?)
i knew you once. we talked while the moon smiled
(she was listening). but i don’t know who
you are now (does the moon know?) i ask you
to talk to me and you hide (you go inside). you lock
the doors, create someone new (i’m still here).
and silence (silence speaks). i walk into the sky
to search for you (that’s where you would hide), but
(still) you won’t be found. i was here (i think i was),
but you turned me into lost, too (lost).
in the last days of the year,
I tried to get lost. It was nearly dark,
evening clouds covered the mountain,
covered me, pulling deeper down
past mossy fallen oaks and the stream
that sang of never returning.
I followed as each path faded,
until there was none, and no me,
just blueness and quiet, and I secretly
hoped no voices would find me to call
me back. Late, in the dark and cold,
there were voices that haunted me
back, and I shuffled return steps
with my head down, through the darkness.
I still long for lost.