where is he now? (for Anthony)

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where is he now
the gardener of souls?
his “good morning” silent,
cardinals wonder why
sun, looking for a reason
summer holding on,
flowers broken without his songs
the gardener of souls
where is he now?

 

after all

(today I decided to walk out deep into the woods until I came up with answers to the questions I have been pondering. after walking more than 7 miles in the heat, I found myself lying face down in a grove of trees, with no recollection of what had happened. i took this photo then. i was injured, dizzy, and in no shape to walk the remaining 5 miles back to my car, but i realized that, not only did i have no phone reception, but i had no one to call to come help me. somehow i made it out.  i was in the woods for almost 5 hours.  after i got home, i found this poem on my phone. i wrote it today, but i have no recollection at all of writing it. i think that says a lot.)

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eight miles out i fall

black out, wake up

stones edge tree lean

ask. no reception here

no one to call. leaks

from knees, red, and eyes,

clear drops of alone

air crush with know. no

breath. out of focus all.

lost. alone. maybe here

home after all. 

(lost)

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when will you be real? (who are you now?) 

i knew you once. we talked while the moon smiled

(she was listening).  but i don’t know who

you are now (does the moon know?) i ask you

to talk to me and you hide (you go inside). you lock

the doors, create someone new (i’m still here).

and silence (silence speaks). i walk into the sky

to search for you (that’s where you would hide), but

(still) you won’t be found. i was here (i think i was),

but you turned me into lost, too (lost).

Longing for Lost

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Among the bare trees and ridges
in the last days of the year, 
I tried to get lost. It was nearly dark, 
evening clouds covered the mountain, 
covered me, pulling deeper down 
past mossy fallen oaks and the stream 
that sang of never returning. 
I followed as each path faded, 
until there was none, and no me, 
just blueness and quiet, and I secretly 
hoped no voices would find me to call 
me back.  Late, in the dark and cold, 
there were voices that haunted me 
back, and I shuffled return steps 
with my head down, through the darkness. 
I still long for lost. 

disappear

one more voice saying

disappear

join the chorus in my head

disappear, disappear

voices haunt every moment

disappear, disappear, disappear

I listen, don’t eat, or talk, or feel

disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear

I thought I found

~stay~

but it was just another

 

disappear

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