Liability

Image

Doctor:  I saw how you tossed my file

across the desk, and all of the papers

spilled out onto the floor. Symbolic.

But you, you were annoyed, that you

had to pick up my pieces and jam them

back in the file, weren’t you? I know.

I heard your annoyed sigh as I walked

away, and you reminded me, again,

that I could find another doctor.

 

And all I was trying to do was make it

out the door without letting slip

the torrent of tears that began to build

back in your office, when you said,

“You make my job difficult.”  I lost

my words then, so you continued:

“And how I am supposed to work

around this eating disorder thing,

or whatever it is?”  My eyes were

on the floor, but I still saw your look

of disgust at my 100 pound body.

 

And did I even care how hard it was

on you that I didn’t want to take more pills,

but for God’s sake did I realize I have

a brain tumor, a divorce, no family here,

I am not sleeping or eating….and, you, doctor,

said five prescriptions are what I need.

When I said I just needed time and support,

you said I was difficult and uncooperative.

 

And I stopped speaking because,

what could I say?  And you called me

noncompliant, that I was tying your hands

behind your back in attempt to gain power,

and my mind whispered……no, i am trying

to survive.  But you didn’t hear, because

you were drawing up a document for me

to sign that said if I kill myself, you are not

legally liable.  I signed it.

 

so I could leave.  you never looked

at my face. or you might

have known

 

the damage

 

you

 

did

 

to

 

me

 

 

39 thoughts on “Liability

  1. I wish you well! Terrible how that doctor treated you, that person should be ashamed. You are a very wonderful and brave person! Thank you for posting this!

  2. Oh wow, I hope this wasn’t real! IF so, get a new doctor, someone with a fkn heart!!!! I like the depth of feeling in this, but God I pray that didn’t really happen. so I’m gonna LIKE it, because it was well written…. but in case it was real… ((hugs))

  3. Compassion is rare among those who have never known. No words console, but there are many who know. Perhaps most importantly, we would silently stay by your side. There are no words needed to enfold in compassion. Thank you for your beautiful words.

  4. Hey Sarah, same as another blogger said, I almost didn’t want to press like, because that doesn’t feel quite right. you have my love and best wishes.

    Jane x

  5. I could feel the lack of compassion by someone who is supposed to care. I have lost all faith in humanity these days but if by some chance you ever need an ear, or someone to care, even though we do not know each other. Please know…. I care xxxx Karen

  6. Maybe suffering makes better poems but I sure wish it wasn’t so. Anyway I always enjoy reading yours as they tell something real and honest (although sad at times).

  7. Amazing piece. Thanks so much for stopping by my ‘Spiritblack’ blog. I’m glad there was some content there which you liked.

    Looking forward to reading more of your stuff.

  8. These words reach out of the screen, rip open your chest and squeeze your heart until every ounce of emotion that you felt writing them is pouring out of your eyes in a stream of empathetic tears. This is real poetry!

  9. I’m sure many others have conveyed similar sympathies so I hope that these words still reach your ears with pure intention.
    I will not “Like” this poem as I strongly feel that this conveys the wrong sentiment. Rather, I feel one of tragic disbelief and heart felt sympathy.
    I am glad that you write. It is amazing how much words can help the healing process, both your own and those of others who read them.
    May the light chase away the darkness and bring you back your souls breath. With warmth and kindness we think of you
    xo

  10. I’m not sure how I stumbled across your blog, but I am certainly glad I did. You are talented and your poems come from somewhere real. As sad as this one was, it was still refreshing. I’ll be following now, nice work.

  11. Reading this broke my heart. I have massively been failed by the NHS but too scared to write about it, but you’ve inspired me to turn the bitter anger into poetry. Thank you! 🙂

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